So, this morning I put my 6 year-old on the bus for first grade, and my 8 year-old on the bus for third grade. I've been looking forward to this for weeks now. I've got Monday-Friday, all day long, all to myself. But here's the thing....
I miss them. It has only been about 20 minutes and I'm already excited for them to come home. Don't get me wrong...I love the idea of having all of this free time to redecorate my house, solve world hunger and cure cancer, (all just as likely to happen as me finishing my laundry) but my heart kind of aches when they aren't here.
Kydan has been acting like it is Christmas instead of the first day of school. He is so excited that he has a whole day of school instead of a half day, because now he FINALLY gets to eat lunch at school! My guess is that novelty will wear off very fast.
Tommy says he is looking forward to it, but as it got closer and closer he started getting very irritable, which usually means he has something on his mind. When we were walking to the bus today he was very clingy, and at the bus stop he didn't hang out and play with the other kids. When he got on the bus he sat by himself. I think that is what made me so sad this morning. I want him to make friends, the RIGHT friends, and I want him to be comfortable with who he is. I don't think he is there yet.
I better get cracking on that World Peace thing. Something tells me it isn't just going to solve itself.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Let's try this again.
My blogging discipline has gone to the toilet. I know, I know...my millions of fans have been so disappointed in me because I haven't been keeping you up to date on the minute by minute excitement that is my life. Here's what happened since the last time I wrote....
Yup. That about covers it.
My boys start 1st and 3rd grade on Monday. It will be the first time in 9 years that I have had Monday-Friday days all to myself. I don't know what I'm going to do. I have very specific goals:
1. Start playing my bass again.
2. Keep up with the blog.
3. Continue to work out consistently.
4. Make it look like my house hasn't been hit by a bomb.
5. Find new and innovative ways to worship God.
Most likely I will sleep a lot and read 456 new books.
I really want to make sure I keep writing Kydanisms. He says so much random crap that I am afraid I will forget them all. My favorite one that I haven't posted is this:
"Mommy, the reason I don't listen to you sometimes is because my brains are practicing karate. The left side usually wins, but sometimes the right side wins, too."
Hopefully this will become more consistant. I'm ready to be disciplined!!!! I think.
Yup. That about covers it.
My boys start 1st and 3rd grade on Monday. It will be the first time in 9 years that I have had Monday-Friday days all to myself. I don't know what I'm going to do. I have very specific goals:
1. Start playing my bass again.
2. Keep up with the blog.
3. Continue to work out consistently.
4. Make it look like my house hasn't been hit by a bomb.
5. Find new and innovative ways to worship God.
Most likely I will sleep a lot and read 456 new books.
I really want to make sure I keep writing Kydanisms. He says so much random crap that I am afraid I will forget them all. My favorite one that I haven't posted is this:
"Mommy, the reason I don't listen to you sometimes is because my brains are practicing karate. The left side usually wins, but sometimes the right side wins, too."
Hopefully this will become more consistant. I'm ready to be disciplined!!!! I think.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
The Prodigal Daughter Returns
First, a quick Kydanism:
Me: "Kydan, use your brain!"
Kydan: "Mommy, of course I use my brain. If I didn't I would be dead."
Me: "What do you think you need your brain for?"
Kydan: : "Talking. And battles."
So there is this crazy fad going on with kids of all ages. If you have kids over the age of 4, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Silly Bands. I've seen them when I volunteer in my kindergartner's class, I've seen them when I volunteer in my second grader's class, and I've seen them on teenagers. I've seen them on boys and girls. What the heck? I consider myself a pretty smart person- I have a college degree (Medieval Literature, a very common field to have a degree in) I graduated Magna Cum Laude from a great school in Virginia, and I'm pretty up to date on the current styles. (That last statement was a complete lie.) How was I not the one who invented colored rubber bands that take on different shapes? And I just found out today that there are some that actually smell like things. (However, I did smell one that was supposed to smell like chocolate and it smelled suspiciously like an 8 year old's sweaty arm.)
For the last week I was telling myself that I would NEVER buy these silly bands, and my kids never asked me for them. Which is why I bought them. They were so HAPPY! I went to a Hallmark store and the place was dead, except for one small table, which had about 13 kids digging through a bin of these bands. Kydan ended up getting zoo animals and Tommy got sea animals.
They come 12 to a pack. Both boys went to school with all 12. Kydan came home with one. He said that he gave them to friends that didn't have any silly bands. 11 friends. I am ashamed to say that I was mad at him. I didn't let him know- I told him how sweet he is to give all of his bands away, but inside I was furious. I spend the money and I bought them for MY kids, not someone else's kids. I gave them to him because I wanted him to be happy, and then he just gives them away!!
Then I realized that he just did the exact same thing I did. He gave them to his friends because he wanted them to be happy. I'm pretty sure that is the only reason he wanted them in the first place. He told me he only needed one, and now 11 of his friends have one, too. Once again, my kids have taught me a lesson that I would do well to repeat.
It's raining now, which is bittersweet. Tommy's baseball is going to be cancelled, which is good because it was about 485 degrees outside and I didn't feel like sitting in the heat for 2 hours, but I won't get to see him pitch, which is one of the greatest joys of my life. Luckily, I'm also a big fan of sleep, so maybe I'll just go to bed early.
Me: "Kydan, use your brain!"
Kydan: "Mommy, of course I use my brain. If I didn't I would be dead."
Me: "What do you think you need your brain for?"
Kydan: : "Talking. And battles."
So there is this crazy fad going on with kids of all ages. If you have kids over the age of 4, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Silly Bands. I've seen them when I volunteer in my kindergartner's class, I've seen them when I volunteer in my second grader's class, and I've seen them on teenagers. I've seen them on boys and girls. What the heck? I consider myself a pretty smart person- I have a college degree (Medieval Literature, a very common field to have a degree in) I graduated Magna Cum Laude from a great school in Virginia, and I'm pretty up to date on the current styles. (That last statement was a complete lie.) How was I not the one who invented colored rubber bands that take on different shapes? And I just found out today that there are some that actually smell like things. (However, I did smell one that was supposed to smell like chocolate and it smelled suspiciously like an 8 year old's sweaty arm.)
For the last week I was telling myself that I would NEVER buy these silly bands, and my kids never asked me for them. Which is why I bought them. They were so HAPPY! I went to a Hallmark store and the place was dead, except for one small table, which had about 13 kids digging through a bin of these bands. Kydan ended up getting zoo animals and Tommy got sea animals.
They come 12 to a pack. Both boys went to school with all 12. Kydan came home with one. He said that he gave them to friends that didn't have any silly bands. 11 friends. I am ashamed to say that I was mad at him. I didn't let him know- I told him how sweet he is to give all of his bands away, but inside I was furious. I spend the money and I bought them for MY kids, not someone else's kids. I gave them to him because I wanted him to be happy, and then he just gives them away!!
Then I realized that he just did the exact same thing I did. He gave them to his friends because he wanted them to be happy. I'm pretty sure that is the only reason he wanted them in the first place. He told me he only needed one, and now 11 of his friends have one, too. Once again, my kids have taught me a lesson that I would do well to repeat.
It's raining now, which is bittersweet. Tommy's baseball is going to be cancelled, which is good because it was about 485 degrees outside and I didn't feel like sitting in the heat for 2 hours, but I won't get to see him pitch, which is one of the greatest joys of my life. Luckily, I'm also a big fan of sleep, so maybe I'll just go to bed early.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
A Groveling Servant
I was listening to a podcast yesterday while running (and by running I mean walking) from Matt Chandler. He is a pastor at the Village Church in Texas, and if you ever have free time I highly recommend him for your listening pleasure. ( If I ever take up stalking he will be my first victim.)
In his sermon on Colossians he made a comment that I haven't been able to shake. It's one of those comments that really gets you thinking about what you are really striving for in life.
To paraphrase, it went something like this: "Every single living human being that existed since the beginning of time and that will exist until the end of time will glorify God. This will happen in one of two ways. Either I will stand at His feet when I die and He will say 'Well done, good and faithful servant' and I will pass through the gates of Heaven and do all sorts of cool Heaven things, or I will stand at His feet when I die and He will say 'Who are you? Surely I have never known you' and my access to Heaven will be swiftly and assuredly denied. Either way, what happens to us glorifies the will of God."
So my choice really isn't "Do I glorify God or not?" But it is, "How am I going to glorify God?" Even those who call themselves unbelievers are going to glorify Him in one way or another, whether they like it or not. (HA HA!)
The Bible is very clear in Isaiah 45:23 that every knee will bow and every tongue will swear. He didn't say every believer. He included everyone. Which means, at some point in time, every non-believer will become a believer and stand before the Throne of God. And every believer and non-believer alike will be honoring God with his life, either by entering the eternal Kingdom of Heaven because they loved Jesus Christ as their savior, or by being damned for all of eternity because you denied the work He did for you on the cross. (BTW, just because you don't believe that He did that for you doesn't change the fact that He did that for you.)
So that puts me back to my initial question: What am I striving for in life? I know I what to glorify God, and that seems like such a simple task. I go to church, try to make Godly choices, pray, ask for guidance, read the Bible, tithe, etc. etc. etc. Is that enough? When my time comes, and all is said and done, will I be able to walk to the Lord of Lords and hold my head high, knowing that He will say "Well done, good and faithful servant?" My guess is, no.
What I believe is that, if I ever really know Jesus Christ in this life, on this earth, then I will never be able to approach Him with my head held high. The only way I will be able to approach The God of the Universe, who became flesh and died an unspeakable death so I can remain in His presence forever is on my hands and knees, groveling, knowing that what I do on this earth could NEVER be enough. Isn't that the whole point of His crucifixion? If I could, somehow, do all the right things and earn His grace, then there would be no point to the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus Christ. His grace can NEVER be earned. It was a gift from our father. It isn't a salary that He pays you for doing good deeds. That is why it always boggles my mind when people say they can't approach God because their life is too messed up. We are ALL too messed up. We will ALWAYS be too messed up. To think that we can ever clean up enough for God is preposterous. God wants you to come to him messed up. Because He is the only one who can clean you up. Not you. NEVER you.
So how do I want to glorify God with my life? By admitting that I am all screwed up, that I can't fix any of it, and to rely on Him to mold me into His image. If I let this happen every day, or even every second of my life, I believe I will proudly enter the Kingdom of Heaven, crawling on my hands and knees and worshiping at the feet of Jesus.
In his sermon on Colossians he made a comment that I haven't been able to shake. It's one of those comments that really gets you thinking about what you are really striving for in life.
To paraphrase, it went something like this: "Every single living human being that existed since the beginning of time and that will exist until the end of time will glorify God. This will happen in one of two ways. Either I will stand at His feet when I die and He will say 'Well done, good and faithful servant' and I will pass through the gates of Heaven and do all sorts of cool Heaven things, or I will stand at His feet when I die and He will say 'Who are you? Surely I have never known you' and my access to Heaven will be swiftly and assuredly denied. Either way, what happens to us glorifies the will of God."
So my choice really isn't "Do I glorify God or not?" But it is, "How am I going to glorify God?" Even those who call themselves unbelievers are going to glorify Him in one way or another, whether they like it or not. (HA HA!)
The Bible is very clear in Isaiah 45:23 that every knee will bow and every tongue will swear. He didn't say every believer. He included everyone. Which means, at some point in time, every non-believer will become a believer and stand before the Throne of God. And every believer and non-believer alike will be honoring God with his life, either by entering the eternal Kingdom of Heaven because they loved Jesus Christ as their savior, or by being damned for all of eternity because you denied the work He did for you on the cross. (BTW, just because you don't believe that He did that for you doesn't change the fact that He did that for you.)
So that puts me back to my initial question: What am I striving for in life? I know I what to glorify God, and that seems like such a simple task. I go to church, try to make Godly choices, pray, ask for guidance, read the Bible, tithe, etc. etc. etc. Is that enough? When my time comes, and all is said and done, will I be able to walk to the Lord of Lords and hold my head high, knowing that He will say "Well done, good and faithful servant?" My guess is, no.
What I believe is that, if I ever really know Jesus Christ in this life, on this earth, then I will never be able to approach Him with my head held high. The only way I will be able to approach The God of the Universe, who became flesh and died an unspeakable death so I can remain in His presence forever is on my hands and knees, groveling, knowing that what I do on this earth could NEVER be enough. Isn't that the whole point of His crucifixion? If I could, somehow, do all the right things and earn His grace, then there would be no point to the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus Christ. His grace can NEVER be earned. It was a gift from our father. It isn't a salary that He pays you for doing good deeds. That is why it always boggles my mind when people say they can't approach God because their life is too messed up. We are ALL too messed up. We will ALWAYS be too messed up. To think that we can ever clean up enough for God is preposterous. God wants you to come to him messed up. Because He is the only one who can clean you up. Not you. NEVER you.
So how do I want to glorify God with my life? By admitting that I am all screwed up, that I can't fix any of it, and to rely on Him to mold me into His image. If I let this happen every day, or even every second of my life, I believe I will proudly enter the Kingdom of Heaven, crawling on my hands and knees and worshiping at the feet of Jesus.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Human Honey
This might actually be my favorite Kydanism ever. If not, it is definitely in the top 5.
Yesterday Kydan asked me if the honey in his yogurt was made by bees. I said "Yes. All honey is made by bees." He informed me that I was wrong, and that humans make honey, too. When I asked him how, he gave me the following recipe:
Catch a bee
Cook the bee
Put cheese on it.
So all of you out there who are worried about the bee population coming to an end...DO NOT FEAR! You now have all you need to know to make honey.
So there is a SLIGHT possibility that my husband has the tendency to act a little rashly in certain situations. Don't get me wrong- he is possibly the greatest human being alive, but sometimes I wonder where his head is. Take last night, for example. We have a little dog, Copper, who has a tendency to make Tommy and Kydan's room his own personal toilet. While I agree that this is a terrible habit that needs to stop, Dan wants to actually take the dog and throw him into a raging river. It doesn't help matters that he doesn't actually like the dog, and the only reason we have him is because he loves his wife.
So last night he told Tommy that if he can't get the dog potty trained by the time school starts next year, we will get rid of him. AND if he does get him trained Dan will give Tommy $100. If he is trained before August, Tommy gets $200. WHAT?!?! Moreover, we have a very particular saving/spending system for the boys and their money, (10% tithe, 60% saving, 30% spending) but Dan told him that all he has to do is tithe 10% and the rest he can spend on whatever he wants. What the heck is an 8-year-old going to spend $180 on? I can tell you exactly what. Lots of very small things that I will step on and find throughout the entire house for years to come and candy. Great. I can't wait.
I'm not sure what made him think this was a decision that he can make on his own, particularly since we are on a very strict budget that does not include candy and small toys for 8-year-olds. If I had to guess, I would say that he is banking on the fact that Copper will never get trained and he will finally be able to take a nice white water ride, courtesy of Dan Young. What Dan doesn't know is that I'm going to get Tommy to split the money with me and I'm going to help him train Copper. I'm not sure how yet, (any ideas would be appreciated) but if it works I'm going to have a lot bigger budget to spend on very small things and candy.
Yesterday Kydan asked me if the honey in his yogurt was made by bees. I said "Yes. All honey is made by bees." He informed me that I was wrong, and that humans make honey, too. When I asked him how, he gave me the following recipe:
Catch a bee
Cook the bee
Put cheese on it.
So all of you out there who are worried about the bee population coming to an end...DO NOT FEAR! You now have all you need to know to make honey.
So there is a SLIGHT possibility that my husband has the tendency to act a little rashly in certain situations. Don't get me wrong- he is possibly the greatest human being alive, but sometimes I wonder where his head is. Take last night, for example. We have a little dog, Copper, who has a tendency to make Tommy and Kydan's room his own personal toilet. While I agree that this is a terrible habit that needs to stop, Dan wants to actually take the dog and throw him into a raging river. It doesn't help matters that he doesn't actually like the dog, and the only reason we have him is because he loves his wife.
So last night he told Tommy that if he can't get the dog potty trained by the time school starts next year, we will get rid of him. AND if he does get him trained Dan will give Tommy $100. If he is trained before August, Tommy gets $200. WHAT?!?! Moreover, we have a very particular saving/spending system for the boys and their money, (10% tithe, 60% saving, 30% spending) but Dan told him that all he has to do is tithe 10% and the rest he can spend on whatever he wants. What the heck is an 8-year-old going to spend $180 on? I can tell you exactly what. Lots of very small things that I will step on and find throughout the entire house for years to come and candy. Great. I can't wait.
I'm not sure what made him think this was a decision that he can make on his own, particularly since we are on a very strict budget that does not include candy and small toys for 8-year-olds. If I had to guess, I would say that he is banking on the fact that Copper will never get trained and he will finally be able to take a nice white water ride, courtesy of Dan Young. What Dan doesn't know is that I'm going to get Tommy to split the money with me and I'm going to help him train Copper. I'm not sure how yet, (any ideas would be appreciated) but if it works I'm going to have a lot bigger budget to spend on very small things and candy.
Monday, May 10, 2010
A Cornicopia Blog of Sorts
I don't really know what I'm going to say, so I'm just gonna let it all hang out today and see what happens. But I do have two very important things I want to get off my chest.
First, Yoplait has come up with this new yogurt that has twice the protein and no fat. It's called Greek yogurt. If you haven't tried it yet, run as fast from it as you can. It tastes terrible and has the consistency of paste, and since I'm no longer in Kindergarten I don't actually enjoy that.
Second, there is a new member of our household. His name is Ninja-Kydan. (He also goes by Ninja Pirate, Pirate Ninja, or Pirate Ninja Kydan.) He is a regular fixture in our house, and has been for the last 4 days. Everyone has seen him except Kydan, who has no idea what we are talking about. Ninja Kydan "sneaks" around (I put that in quotes because I'm not sure any of my kids know the meaning of "sneak.") in a ninja hood with a ninja sword and jumps around a lot. He takes his sword and will try to saw off various body parts of his victims. The other day, Ninja Kydan clocked Dan in the head so hard that two days later there is still a lump. He never talks, so we aren't really sure what he wants with our family. I look forward to sharing any adventures that may come from Ninja Kydan's visit.
So I've been praying a lot lately. I've been making some choices in my life that I'm not exactly comfortable with but feel that God is leading me to make. That is very hard to do, and I'm not really sure I've ever done it. I believe that, for the most part, I've done my best to follow God's will, but up until now His will seemed to line up with mine pretty consistently. Right now, however, we are kind of at odds, and since I know His will is right, I've decided that I might as well surrender to it and make my life easier. It doesn't help that the choice I have made is meeting with a lot of opposition, and I feel like my personal character has been attacked because of it. Other people's opinions on my decision has even caused me to think that maybe I'm not doing the right thing.
I am so amazingly grateful for a loving, faithful God. Every time I come to Him regarding this decision He patiently reaffirms that I am within His will. He hasn't gone so far as to tell me what my next step is, but I've found that I don't really need to know that right now. That is such a strange concept for me. I usually want to know what's next, RIGHT THIS SECOND. It is freeing to be within the safety of His boundaries- the same way it is freeing to live within a budget. Yes, it can be frustrating, but you know that you know that you know that you are doing the right thing, and in the end things are going to work out the right way.
I typically read the Bible or do a Bible study every morning. Lately it has just been a Bible study, and if I am completely honest, lately it hasn't been every morning. Today I recommitted to that and I started reading Isaiah. (Talk about someone who's life choices met with a lot of opposition.) Isaiah doesn't waste a whole lot of time easing the people of Israel and Judah into what is going to be some harsh warnings. He cuts right to the chase:
Stop bringing me meaningless offerings! your incense is detestable to me. New Moons, Sabbaths and convocations- I cannot bear your evil assemblies. (1:13) I believe God is saying that He HATES it when we come to church and give him our offerings (or raise our hands, or pray) if we aren't in His will. He HATES it when we come to church!!!! That doesn't make any sense, unless you try and look at it through His lenses. How frustrating is it to hear your child say "I love you mommy. I will do anything to make you happy," while at the same time taking off his muddy boots and leaving them in the middle of the floor and running off to watch TV even though they KNOW they are supposed to do homework first. It's the same thing. Well, not really, but you get the idea. God doesn't love the rituals and habits that we have taken up to honor His name. God loves our HEART behind the rituals and habits that we have taken up in order to honor His name. It is such a vital difference that I think so many people miss. I know I've missed it a lot. And right now I'm going to do everything in my meager human power to get right back in the middle of His glory so when I worship Him, He and I both know I am doing it wholeheartedly. I pray that I stay strong enough to honor Him in every aspect, including talking with those who believe I've made the wrong decision.
First, Yoplait has come up with this new yogurt that has twice the protein and no fat. It's called Greek yogurt. If you haven't tried it yet, run as fast from it as you can. It tastes terrible and has the consistency of paste, and since I'm no longer in Kindergarten I don't actually enjoy that.
Second, there is a new member of our household. His name is Ninja-Kydan. (He also goes by Ninja Pirate, Pirate Ninja, or Pirate Ninja Kydan.) He is a regular fixture in our house, and has been for the last 4 days. Everyone has seen him except Kydan, who has no idea what we are talking about. Ninja Kydan "sneaks" around (I put that in quotes because I'm not sure any of my kids know the meaning of "sneak.") in a ninja hood with a ninja sword and jumps around a lot. He takes his sword and will try to saw off various body parts of his victims. The other day, Ninja Kydan clocked Dan in the head so hard that two days later there is still a lump. He never talks, so we aren't really sure what he wants with our family. I look forward to sharing any adventures that may come from Ninja Kydan's visit.
So I've been praying a lot lately. I've been making some choices in my life that I'm not exactly comfortable with but feel that God is leading me to make. That is very hard to do, and I'm not really sure I've ever done it. I believe that, for the most part, I've done my best to follow God's will, but up until now His will seemed to line up with mine pretty consistently. Right now, however, we are kind of at odds, and since I know His will is right, I've decided that I might as well surrender to it and make my life easier. It doesn't help that the choice I have made is meeting with a lot of opposition, and I feel like my personal character has been attacked because of it. Other people's opinions on my decision has even caused me to think that maybe I'm not doing the right thing.
I am so amazingly grateful for a loving, faithful God. Every time I come to Him regarding this decision He patiently reaffirms that I am within His will. He hasn't gone so far as to tell me what my next step is, but I've found that I don't really need to know that right now. That is such a strange concept for me. I usually want to know what's next, RIGHT THIS SECOND. It is freeing to be within the safety of His boundaries- the same way it is freeing to live within a budget. Yes, it can be frustrating, but you know that you know that you know that you are doing the right thing, and in the end things are going to work out the right way.
I typically read the Bible or do a Bible study every morning. Lately it has just been a Bible study, and if I am completely honest, lately it hasn't been every morning. Today I recommitted to that and I started reading Isaiah. (Talk about someone who's life choices met with a lot of opposition.) Isaiah doesn't waste a whole lot of time easing the people of Israel and Judah into what is going to be some harsh warnings. He cuts right to the chase:
Stop bringing me meaningless offerings! your incense is detestable to me. New Moons, Sabbaths and convocations- I cannot bear your evil assemblies. (1:13) I believe God is saying that He HATES it when we come to church and give him our offerings (or raise our hands, or pray) if we aren't in His will. He HATES it when we come to church!!!! That doesn't make any sense, unless you try and look at it through His lenses. How frustrating is it to hear your child say "I love you mommy. I will do anything to make you happy," while at the same time taking off his muddy boots and leaving them in the middle of the floor and running off to watch TV even though they KNOW they are supposed to do homework first. It's the same thing. Well, not really, but you get the idea. God doesn't love the rituals and habits that we have taken up to honor His name. God loves our HEART behind the rituals and habits that we have taken up in order to honor His name. It is such a vital difference that I think so many people miss. I know I've missed it a lot. And right now I'm going to do everything in my meager human power to get right back in the middle of His glory so when I worship Him, He and I both know I am doing it wholeheartedly. I pray that I stay strong enough to honor Him in every aspect, including talking with those who believe I've made the wrong decision.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
A Public Rant
The disadvantage to a public blog is that it is....well...public. I've got a pretty big decision in front of me right now that I would love to rant and rave about, but I can't, for fear of who might read this. Crazy.
Sometimes I actually feel sorry for God. I know that sounds ridiculous, and that's because it is, but He really doesn't have a whole lot to work with. Think about it...He has given the sole responsibility to all of us broken, sinful, wicked, bent toward evil humans to share to other broken, sinful, wicked, bent toward evil humans how amazing He is. And, try as we might, I can't imagine that any of us ever get it right. None of us really have an absolute grasp on how BIG God is- if we did I don't think any of us would ever purposely sin, and yet all of us do it all of the time.
Most of us are so concerned by what we look like on the outside that we fail miserably when it comes to cleaning up our heart. And the big controversy is the fact that we don't HAVE to clean up our heart. God doesn't sit up there and say "Well Kim, I really want to hang out with you, but you've got a lot of crap going on right now. Maybe once you get that all fixed we can hang out. Talk to me next month." Jesus died for me, for how I am, RIGHT THIS SECOND. Not for the idea of who I can be. That's called grace. I don't surprise Him by my behavior, nor do I disappoint Him. To disappoint Him would mean that He expected something else and since He knows exactly what I am going to do at all times, He expects nothing less or more from me than what I give Him. That goes for you, too, by the way.
So when I say we need to be concerned with what is going on with our hearts, it isn't because we have to clean up for Jesus, it is because we should WANT to. I can't imagine Jesus is very happy about "Sunday Christians." You know the ones..... they go to church on Sunday and worship His name, only to completely forget about Him on Monday, in fact purposely sin against Him throughout the week until the next Sunday comes, when their hands go back in the air and they sing songs to Him for another hour. What is the point in that? You aren't tricking God, so you must be trying to trick those around you. Or maybe you are trying to trick yourself....
Jesus didn't surround Himself with those who always made the best decisions, who looked good, who said the right things, who had years of scholastic teaching pumped into their heads. In fact, His closest friends were arrogant, greedy, and at best, simple-minded. Not one of the 12 disciples went to school to learn about religion. They were all taught by Jesus himself. (BTW- we have that same opportunity...it's called reading the Bible.) The disciples got it wrong A LOT. But they kept coming back for more. Their beauty comes from their obedience and their willingness to learn. They failed, and they tried again. And again. That's what I want to do. I want to keep trying. If I become one of those people who think (or want people to think) that they have it all figured out, then I miss out completely on what it means to be a Christ follower. That seems like a pretty big miss- especially when that is what I say I am. "Do as I say and not as I do" should NEVER apply to a Christian.
I wish people would take into consideration their hearts and the hearts of others, instead of worrying about what they look like on the outside. Because when it is all said and done, you really aren't fooling anyone. Except maybe yourself.
Sometimes I actually feel sorry for God. I know that sounds ridiculous, and that's because it is, but He really doesn't have a whole lot to work with. Think about it...He has given the sole responsibility to all of us broken, sinful, wicked, bent toward evil humans to share to other broken, sinful, wicked, bent toward evil humans how amazing He is. And, try as we might, I can't imagine that any of us ever get it right. None of us really have an absolute grasp on how BIG God is- if we did I don't think any of us would ever purposely sin, and yet all of us do it all of the time.
Most of us are so concerned by what we look like on the outside that we fail miserably when it comes to cleaning up our heart. And the big controversy is the fact that we don't HAVE to clean up our heart. God doesn't sit up there and say "Well Kim, I really want to hang out with you, but you've got a lot of crap going on right now. Maybe once you get that all fixed we can hang out. Talk to me next month." Jesus died for me, for how I am, RIGHT THIS SECOND. Not for the idea of who I can be. That's called grace. I don't surprise Him by my behavior, nor do I disappoint Him. To disappoint Him would mean that He expected something else and since He knows exactly what I am going to do at all times, He expects nothing less or more from me than what I give Him. That goes for you, too, by the way.
So when I say we need to be concerned with what is going on with our hearts, it isn't because we have to clean up for Jesus, it is because we should WANT to. I can't imagine Jesus is very happy about "Sunday Christians." You know the ones..... they go to church on Sunday and worship His name, only to completely forget about Him on Monday, in fact purposely sin against Him throughout the week until the next Sunday comes, when their hands go back in the air and they sing songs to Him for another hour. What is the point in that? You aren't tricking God, so you must be trying to trick those around you. Or maybe you are trying to trick yourself....
Jesus didn't surround Himself with those who always made the best decisions, who looked good, who said the right things, who had years of scholastic teaching pumped into their heads. In fact, His closest friends were arrogant, greedy, and at best, simple-minded. Not one of the 12 disciples went to school to learn about religion. They were all taught by Jesus himself. (BTW- we have that same opportunity...it's called reading the Bible.) The disciples got it wrong A LOT. But they kept coming back for more. Their beauty comes from their obedience and their willingness to learn. They failed, and they tried again. And again. That's what I want to do. I want to keep trying. If I become one of those people who think (or want people to think) that they have it all figured out, then I miss out completely on what it means to be a Christ follower. That seems like a pretty big miss- especially when that is what I say I am. "Do as I say and not as I do" should NEVER apply to a Christian.
I wish people would take into consideration their hearts and the hearts of others, instead of worrying about what they look like on the outside. Because when it is all said and done, you really aren't fooling anyone. Except maybe yourself.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Wait....TODAY is Friday?
My "Kydanism" is kind of lame today, but I still got a kick out of it anyway....
Walking into the house yesterday, I opened the door, only to find Kydan on the other side, saying, "Wait Mommy. Slam my face into the door!" What? "Slam my face into the door?" "Why would I do that?" His only was reply was to walk away from me and sigh in exasperation. I really don't get that kid.
So I logged on today to find that SIX people have signed up to follow my blog. That is amazing in itself, but what really boggled my mind was that my blog was looked at SIXTY-TWO TIMES!!!! That means that there are several people either A) interested in my life but don't want me to know that they are interested or B) interested in my life but don't want OTHER people to know that they are interested. Option B is probably more likely because there are definitely times that I wouldn't want people to know that I know me, but I haven't had much success in hiding that fact.
I also had a good friend tell me that she is following my "bloggy thingy" but she isn't logged on as such. I'm assuming that by "bloggy thingy" she meant this blog, but that girl is crazy so she could mean anything. And then there is my secret friend "Revitiman" who is awesome enough to leave me my very first comment, but I have no idea who you are. It's a crazy fun secret shared by me and 6 of my friends. Or 62 of my friends, depending on how you look at it.
So I'm leaving for Arizona today. I'm not sure how that crept up on me so fast. My brother is getting married, so you would think this would be pretty high on my radar, but I just realized that I have about 32 loads of laundry to do, dogs to get a sitter for, children to pack for grandma's house, baseball games to prepare for so grandma can take them (still praying for a rainout), shoes to find that match the dress I'm going to wear, (currently I am going barefoot, yes I'm serious) make 4 phone calls for work and pack. I'm sure I'm forgetting a bunch of stuff, but it's ok because I won't remember it until I'm on the plane anyway so I don't have to worry about it now.
I know this will devastate many of you, but I won't be able to blog again until next Tuesday. I know those of you who admit to being my friend will survive, but it is my secret friends that I worry about. I think they might be fragile. I know I will have tons to write about though, as I'm pretty sure my family invented dysfunctional. Thanks everyone for saving me from blogging solely to my one friend. I love her dearly, and she doesn't need all of that pressure.
Walking into the house yesterday, I opened the door, only to find Kydan on the other side, saying, "Wait Mommy. Slam my face into the door!" What? "Slam my face into the door?" "Why would I do that?" His only was reply was to walk away from me and sigh in exasperation. I really don't get that kid.
So I logged on today to find that SIX people have signed up to follow my blog. That is amazing in itself, but what really boggled my mind was that my blog was looked at SIXTY-TWO TIMES!!!! That means that there are several people either A) interested in my life but don't want me to know that they are interested or B) interested in my life but don't want OTHER people to know that they are interested. Option B is probably more likely because there are definitely times that I wouldn't want people to know that I know me, but I haven't had much success in hiding that fact.
I also had a good friend tell me that she is following my "bloggy thingy" but she isn't logged on as such. I'm assuming that by "bloggy thingy" she meant this blog, but that girl is crazy so she could mean anything. And then there is my secret friend "Revitiman" who is awesome enough to leave me my very first comment, but I have no idea who you are. It's a crazy fun secret shared by me and 6 of my friends. Or 62 of my friends, depending on how you look at it.
So I'm leaving for Arizona today. I'm not sure how that crept up on me so fast. My brother is getting married, so you would think this would be pretty high on my radar, but I just realized that I have about 32 loads of laundry to do, dogs to get a sitter for, children to pack for grandma's house, baseball games to prepare for so grandma can take them (still praying for a rainout), shoes to find that match the dress I'm going to wear, (currently I am going barefoot, yes I'm serious) make 4 phone calls for work and pack. I'm sure I'm forgetting a bunch of stuff, but it's ok because I won't remember it until I'm on the plane anyway so I don't have to worry about it now.
I know this will devastate many of you, but I won't be able to blog again until next Tuesday. I know those of you who admit to being my friend will survive, but it is my secret friends that I worry about. I think they might be fragile. I know I will have tons to write about though, as I'm pretty sure my family invented dysfunctional. Thanks everyone for saving me from blogging solely to my one friend. I love her dearly, and she doesn't need all of that pressure.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
A day in the life of Kim's kids...
So I need to start off with the fact that it is a little odd that I am writing a blog at all, but even more odd is the fact that I have only one person following me. I feel like I should just send her this via email and that would be a lot less weird. But she knows all of my crap and is still my friend, so what is one more bizarre thing to give to her?
Kydan's comment of the day: (There is a good chance this will be a daily addition to my blog)
As Tommy was trying to get my dog in the house this morning, the dog jerked the leash out of his hand, giving him a rope burn. I said "You are very close to finding a new home!" Kydan let out a shriek.... "NOOOOOOOO!!!" and then followed up with, "Wait, do you mean the dog or just Tommy?"
I'm not big on bragging about my kids. I don't know why this is. It seems like society expects and accepts everyone talking about how terrible their children are, but the second you start talking about how they excel at something you are looked at as a braggart. That seems weird and mean, so I'm going to brag about Tommy a little bit.
Yesterday he had baseball practice. His first game is on Saturday (which I will miss and grandma will be there so pray that it gets rained out) and the coach is on the lookout for any child that has the ability to get the ball somewhat close to home plate. Every child wants to be the pitcher. Not every child should be allowed to throw a ball. I remember last year Tommy got nailed at least once a game from some crazy 6-year-old who tried to throw a 90 mile an hour fastball right into his shin.
So last night the coach let every child have a chance at pitching. It was very painful to watch. I was sitting in the bleachers between third base and home plate, and one kid landed a ball in my lap. The coach cracks me up, too, because he has no fear of parents yelling at him when he laughs at their kid.
Tommy was third to the last to try. He got up there and his first pitch was a strike. Then another strike. And then a couple of balls, but they were so close to being strikes that I almost booed the coach for being a bad umpire. He did such a great job that, after practice was over and the team had their meeting, the coach said the only pitcher they were definitely sure of was Tommy, and that he did such a great job he might start every game. (Which can't really happen because of "fairness" or some crap like that.) The look on my kid's face was priceless. You could feel his confidence jump sky high, and some how he didn't turn it into arrogance for the rest of the night.
This morning when I checked my email there was a note from the coach to everyone and he again singled Tommy out saying how great he was, that so far he was the only pitcher and if anyone else wanted to try to pitch to come 15 minutes early to the game on Saturday. I'm so happy for him! Of course, Dan is walking around like he was the reason why Tommy is so great, so I'm happy for him, too.
Tommy has had such a rough go at life. I'm pretty tough on him and we butt heads a lot, but that is mostly because we are so similar and all of the traits that he has that I don't like are the same traits you can find in me. He gets singled out for being bad all the time, so it is AWESOME when someone else recognizes his greatness as well. I think he needs to see that he is great more than anyone else. God is so good and knew EXACTLY what He was doing when He gave me His child Tommy to raise. (Ummm...duh.) I think I've probably learned more about being a Godly person from Tommy than he has ever learned from me. Poor kid had no idea that he was here to teach his mother.
Kydan's comment of the day: (There is a good chance this will be a daily addition to my blog)
As Tommy was trying to get my dog in the house this morning, the dog jerked the leash out of his hand, giving him a rope burn. I said "You are very close to finding a new home!" Kydan let out a shriek.... "NOOOOOOOO!!!" and then followed up with, "Wait, do you mean the dog or just Tommy?"
I'm not big on bragging about my kids. I don't know why this is. It seems like society expects and accepts everyone talking about how terrible their children are, but the second you start talking about how they excel at something you are looked at as a braggart. That seems weird and mean, so I'm going to brag about Tommy a little bit.
Yesterday he had baseball practice. His first game is on Saturday (which I will miss and grandma will be there so pray that it gets rained out) and the coach is on the lookout for any child that has the ability to get the ball somewhat close to home plate. Every child wants to be the pitcher. Not every child should be allowed to throw a ball. I remember last year Tommy got nailed at least once a game from some crazy 6-year-old who tried to throw a 90 mile an hour fastball right into his shin.
So last night the coach let every child have a chance at pitching. It was very painful to watch. I was sitting in the bleachers between third base and home plate, and one kid landed a ball in my lap. The coach cracks me up, too, because he has no fear of parents yelling at him when he laughs at their kid.
Tommy was third to the last to try. He got up there and his first pitch was a strike. Then another strike. And then a couple of balls, but they were so close to being strikes that I almost booed the coach for being a bad umpire. He did such a great job that, after practice was over and the team had their meeting, the coach said the only pitcher they were definitely sure of was Tommy, and that he did such a great job he might start every game. (Which can't really happen because of "fairness" or some crap like that.) The look on my kid's face was priceless. You could feel his confidence jump sky high, and some how he didn't turn it into arrogance for the rest of the night.
This morning when I checked my email there was a note from the coach to everyone and he again singled Tommy out saying how great he was, that so far he was the only pitcher and if anyone else wanted to try to pitch to come 15 minutes early to the game on Saturday. I'm so happy for him! Of course, Dan is walking around like he was the reason why Tommy is so great, so I'm happy for him, too.
Tommy has had such a rough go at life. I'm pretty tough on him and we butt heads a lot, but that is mostly because we are so similar and all of the traits that he has that I don't like are the same traits you can find in me. He gets singled out for being bad all the time, so it is AWESOME when someone else recognizes his greatness as well. I think he needs to see that he is great more than anyone else. God is so good and knew EXACTLY what He was doing when He gave me His child Tommy to raise. (Ummm...duh.) I think I've probably learned more about being a Godly person from Tommy than he has ever learned from me. Poor kid had no idea that he was here to teach his mother.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Who knew?
A friend of mine told me to start a blog. So I went to do just that but, as it turns out, I already had one. I followed someone else's blog for a while, and I guess I had to set up a blog in order to do it. I wonder what else I have that I don't know about? I think it would be awesome if I went to start a bank account, only to find that I already have one open and fully funded. Or maybe I can start learning how to speak fluent Spanish, but once I started I found out that my Spanish is already perfecto. the possibilities are endless.
Anyway, here is my blog. I'm guessing no one will be overly interested in my life, but I need to start gaining control of my time and how I spend it, and I think this is a great way to start. (YES, that's right. I found another way to waste my time. I get the irony.)
If nothing else, it will be a fun way to jot down the craziness of my children and what actually comes out of their mouths that supposed to pass as intelligent speech. I used to write that stuff down all the time and I haven't been lately, so.....well....now I will.
On second thought, I can't imagine not wanting to subscribe to this unbelievably exciting blog that will detail my life. Whew! The excitement is already wearing me out.
Anyway, here is my blog. I'm guessing no one will be overly interested in my life, but I need to start gaining control of my time and how I spend it, and I think this is a great way to start. (YES, that's right. I found another way to waste my time. I get the irony.)
If nothing else, it will be a fun way to jot down the craziness of my children and what actually comes out of their mouths that supposed to pass as intelligent speech. I used to write that stuff down all the time and I haven't been lately, so.....well....now I will.
On second thought, I can't imagine not wanting to subscribe to this unbelievably exciting blog that will detail my life. Whew! The excitement is already wearing me out.
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